Your Mental Health Matters for You, Your Children and Your Grandchildren.
Our mental health matters because if we don’t take quick action to recognize the early signs of depression and address it, it can quickly develop into something more serious, which will impact our long-term mental well-being and that of our children and their children.
My mum would have adored our teenage son. She was with me and my husband when I gave birth. The unconditional care, love and support she gave me specifically in the last three months of my pregnancy and during the first six months of his life provided me with a calm confidence to parenting that I carry with me to this day. This was an incredibly special time for me and my mum andI often think of this time to remind myself of what I loved the most about her, and what I miss everyday about her not being in our lives. When our son was four years old my mum committed suicide after battling bi-polar depression on and off for most of my life. Nothing prepares you, as a daughter and mother, for losing a parent, who you love unconditionally, but losing a parent, and your child’s grandparent to suicide, is brutal.
Living with a parent, from a young age, with bi-polar depression significantly impacts your character. As a kid you quickly learn to live with the highs and lows of depression. When my mum was low, and sometimes in hospital after a suicide attempt, I had to find ways to love, care and support her but also survive and stay positive so I was not suffocated by the overwhelming sadness and helplessness I felt. That can be particularly tough when you are already experiencing teenage hormonal swings. When she was high it was wonderful to be around her. She was energized, positive and embraced life. She taught us every minute to value the good times and simple pleasures. We were also encouraged by mum to show empathy for families living with depression, and those who were less fortunate than us. But living life like this was also exhausting. I sometimes felt like I was living on a speeding train. It was exhilarating but I knew we’d crash anytime soon. And we often crashed during my 39 years with my mum!
After, my mum’s suicide I was open, and able, to access grief counselling.It was an experience which changed my life. It allowed me the time and a safe space to explore and understand the impact that my mum’s illness and her death had on me, how to move forward with my life after such a traumatic event, and how to look after my own mental wellbeing. A few years ago I experienced mild depression after Breast Cancer surgery and treatment. I quickly recognized the signs of early depression, reached out to my husband, family and friends for support and accessed some counselling. It reminded me that I need to be careful with my mental health because of my family history of depression. Within a matter of weeks of accessing support I was back to my healthy and happy self.Statistically, I know that I am likely to suffer from mild depression again.There was a time when the very thought of depression haunted me because I feared for my son. But I now know that quick action, if and when I feel the early signs of depression, is key.
Our mental health matters because if we don’t take quick action to recognize the early signs of depression and address it, it can quickly develop into something more serious, which will impact our long-term mental well-being and that of our children and their children.
I don’t think you ever truly recover from losing a parent to suicide. But what it most definitely does is heighten your resolve to try everything in your power to look after your own, and your family’s, mental wellbeing. Our children - and our future grandchildren - deserve nothing less.
