Invisible Burdens: Waiting, Absence, and Carrying the Black Dog

More than a million people in the UK are currently waiting for NHS mental health support. For many, the wait feels endless, days turn into weeks, and the silence grows heavier. At the same time, new research shows a strong link between absence (from school in particular) and poor mental health.

It’s a picture many of us know all too well: the black dog arrives, and suddenly we find ourselves absent; from work, from friends, from family, from the life we want to live.

Here are some tips for coping with the weight of waiting and absence.

1. Small routines matter

When life feels on pause, it’s easy to drift. Building even one tiny daily routine can anchor you.

• Making a morning cup of tea.
• Writing down three words that describe how you feel.
• Taking the dog for a walk at the same time each day.

Consistency is soothing when everything else feels uncertain.

2. Re-frame absence

Missing meetings, skipping work, or cancelling plans can bring a crushing sense of guilt. But absence doesn’t equal failure, it’s often a signal that you’re carrying more than most people can see.

Try telling yourself: I’m not failing; I’m listening to what my mind and body need right now.

3. Peer support while you wait

While waiting lists are long, you don’t have to wait in silence. Talking to someone who has felt the same way can make the load lighter. Peer-to-peer support is a bridge, not a replacement for professional help, but a vital reminder that you’re not broken and not alone.

4. Celebrate tiny wins

When you’re waiting or absent, it’s easy to feel like nothing counts. But it does.

• Did you get out of bed today? That’s a win.
• Did you send a message when you usually withdraw? Another win.
• Did you make it to school or work for half a day? That’s something to be proud of.

Every small step is proof you’re still moving, even if slowly.

5. Don’t spiral into self-blame

Waiting lists are long because the system is stretched, not because you don’t “deserve” help. Absence happens because you’re unwell — not because you’re lazy or weak.

Blame only makes the black dog bark louder. What helps is kindness to yourself, and to others walking the same path.

Final thought
The black dog thrives in silence, in waiting, and in absence. But you don’t have to face it alone, and you don’t have to fill the waiting time with blame. Small routines, tiny wins, and connection with others can keep you moving until help arrives.

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If you’re waiting and it feels too heavy, My Black Dog is here to listen. Peer-to-peer, online, anonymous — we’re here when you need us.

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